The Ten Types of People Who Should Vote Democrat

Written by Paul Zannucci on 3:14 PM

Should you vote Democrat? Many people shouldn't even consider it, but if you are a member of one of these groups, voting straight along the Democratic Party line might be in order.

1) You don't own a car and don't intend to own a car. This might be someone in a large metropolitan area with a fantastic public transportation system. In this case you may not care that the Democrat solution to high gas prices should take effect in about 30 years.

2) You're fat and just can't seem to get the weight off. As Obama says, you can't keep eating as much as you want or France might get mad. Having a bunch of wine-swilling Frenchmen coming after you (miming your imminent demise) will surely have you on the road to health.

3) You want to learn Spanish. Barack Obama is embarrassed by Americans and their lack of bilingualism. He thinks we need to learn Spanish and he's going to help.

4) You are dead. No one encourages the dead to get their voices heard like the Democrats, particularly those from Illinois.

5) You are, or were, incarcerated. (See number 4)

6) You have too much time on your hands and need to be given jobs to do. Pharaobama has an enormous, and sometimes required, public works program. Get ready to build monuments! ...or something.

7) Someone else is keeping you from succeeding. You know who you are and what they are up to. Democrats will be sure to put an end to it.

8) You have nightmares about livestock flatulence. And not the normal kind we all have--the really scary kind that involves climate disaster.

9) You were born in a terrorist supporting nation, have a history of questionable behavior, are building bombs in your basement and like talking on the phone about it. Where the hell are your civil rights? Why should these people be allowed to tap your phone without just cause?

10) Because, dammit, you believe. You aren't sure what, but you know it makes you well up with tears. When you hear all these vague plans about change, you don't ask how or what's the cost. You are too dizzy with love to think about it. Liberalism is the opiate of the masses, and you can never get enough opiates.

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  1. 8 comments: Responses to “ The Ten Types of People Who Should Vote Democrat ”

  2. By todd anthony on July 9, 2008 at 4:18 PM

    Friggin' hilarious...I attempted to capture the Liberal "essence" in a treatise I wrote for my site: "The Liberal Manifesto:"

    We wear blinders, unwilling and unable to see the evil in humankind, despite endless to the contraries: thus, we believe that everyone has some good in them, which allows for negotiation, no matter the deeds one has done.

    We are so consumed with the notion of global warming that we are willing to burden the American populace unnecessarily, despite the availability of oil in Alaska and off our coasts.

    The ills of the world are always the fault of the American government, especially if occupied by a sitting Republican president or Republican majority in our congress.

    We are so consumed with eradicating Judeo-Christian principles, tenets invaluable in shaping our nation, from our everyday lives, all for the expense of our own collective morality.

    We wish to indoctrinate our youth in their innocence, by force-feeding progressive values and alternative lifestyles into their daily school curriculum.

    We believe in open borders, encouraging illegal immigraitn and subsequent sanctuary cities, even at the unnecessary burden to the American taxpayer for education and health care costs.

    We believe in feeding the addiction of those who nurse at the teat of big government in the form of welfare and entitlements.

    We must eradicate the free market society that has propelled our country to the forefront in innovation and craftsmanship, for those who have riches and invested in jobs for millions of American workers do not deserve said riches.

  3. By Paul Zannucci on July 9, 2008 at 8:16 PM

    Sweet. I looked around at your blogs and love the Jihadi Du Jour blog. Very well done. Everyone should go have a look:

  4. By CKAinRedStateUSA on July 9, 2008 at 9:45 PM

    Type #11: You're entitled--and everyone else had better know that!

    Type #12: The phrase "military service" or the word "patriotism" may give you stomachache.

    Type #13: You suffer from WLG-itis (White Liberal Guilt-itis).

    Type #14: You believe capitalism is a four-letter word.

    Type #15: You really do want to pay higher taxes.

    Type #16: You believe everyone else but you is a racist.

  5. By Paul Zannucci on July 9, 2008 at 10:06 PM

    "Type #12: The phrase "military service" or the word "patriotism" may give you stomachache."

    That doesn't just make your stomach hurt. It makes you mad, damn mad.

  6. By Jeremy Sarber on July 10, 2008 at 9:30 PM

    Okay, now I get it. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why people were supporting Obama, but after reading this list, it all makes sense.

  7. By todd anthony on July 11, 2008 at 3:28 PM

    Several months ago, I was contributing to the Jihad du Jour blog (it's maintained by another guy) as well as a few other blogs. It just got to be TOO much; now, I maintain the twin cities conservative site as well, but between work, getting married, playing in a could of bands, daily exercise regimen, other "writing" (i.e. short stories, book stuff), I do not get to post as much as I would like.

  8. By Paul Zannucci on July 11, 2008 at 7:35 PM

    Todd, if you ever want to come over to the dark side, come join me over at American Sentinel.

  9. By todd anthony on July 14, 2008 at 8:58 AM

    Paul, what's the URL?