News and Notes: 6-21-08: Obamatized, Life on Mars, Armageddon Comes Earlier Every Year, Pooh--Secretary of Defense

Written by Paul Zannucci on 7:12 AM

Obamatized! A huge leap in the polls. Newsweek is tingly all over.

Michelle's baby's daddy has apparently, but not really, taken a huge lead in the latest Newsweek polls. Never mind that the data is so far away from every other poll out there, which seriously calls into question its accuracy, Newsweek jumps all over it with unadulterated glee.

"With numbers consistently showing rock-bottom approval ratings for President Bush and a large majority of Americans unhappy with the country's direction, the opposing-party candidate should, in the normal course, have attracted more disaffected voters. Now it looks as if Obama is doing just that(!)"

Yes, I added the exclamation point. It just seemed like it needed it.

Gee, I guess it's okay that he went ahead and adapted the Presidential Seal to his own use.

Scientists ponder whether ice on Mars ever melted

If there were ever liquid water on Mars, that would make it a better environment for life.

"The holy grail is to find water near the surface of Mars," said astrobiologist Mitch Sogin

I just want to point out two things. One, why is there a field called astrobiology? Talk about foresight. We can't even get back to the moon right now, and we have people who major in astrobiology?

Second, I know a planet where the conditions for life are absolutely perfect. Yet, so far as we know, life doesn't continuously and spontaneously develop on Earth. What makes us think that life would have spontaneously developed in a puddle on Mars? Of course, I'm no astrobiologist.

U.S. "experts": Forecast is more extreme weather

Yes, Armageddon does seem to come earlier every year.

For some reason, MSNBC forgot to put quotation marks around "experts" so I corrected that for them. Probably just an oversight. Anyway, we learn that a group of climate chicken littles from the U.S. Climate Change "Science" Program (they keep forgetting to put the quotation marks around "science"), says that we can just keep expecting worse and worse weather.

"Heat waves and heavy downpours are very likely to further increase in frequency and intensity," the report stated. "Substantial areas of North America are likely to have more frequent droughts of greater severity. Hurricane wind speeds, rainfall intensity and storm surge levels are likely to increase. The strongest cold season storms are likely to become more frequent, with stronger winds and more extreme wave heights."

They came up with this data during a seance, after which the lead channeler of the Earth Spirit had to be helped from the room due to exhaustion.

Since Obama wants to use Winnie-the-Pooh as an example of how to conduct foreign policy, Photoshop users everywhere have been inspired:

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