What? No mention of the real dream ticket, McCain and Clinton?

Written by Paul Zannucci on 1:59 PM

If the headline of this article made you, as they say, throw up just a little bit in the back of your throat, then you might be an old-fashioned Republican. You probably believe in partisan politics when the other side is clearly wrong. You might even be so far gone as to see compromising with a liberal as moving half-way in the wrong direction. Well, if this describes you, as it does me, we should be aware that we are as in vogue these days as short-shorts on men.


But this is not about your antiquated wardrobe or the carefully planned erosion of liberty. Nyet, comrade. This is about big ideas. This is about renegade politics. This is about holding hands and unity and butterfly kisses. Remember during the 2004 election how the media opined romantically about the possibility of a Kerry-McCain ticket? Certainly there was some history between the two men that made that a slight possibility, but that was hardly the only reason offered by the media for this same-sex union. McCain was a renegade. A man who flamboyantly flaunted his departures from party lines. He was a reasoned moderate, neither here nor there; not hot, not cold. He was the Dalai Lama of politics. Marrying these two men in unholy matrimony would have brought amazing unity to America, so the liberal pundits said. They would create an unstoppable ticket.

And does this not apply even more today? McCain is just as much a renegade, adopting a platform that is so similar to Obama's that it takes a team of kindergartners playing the "what's different" game to find where they diverge. And Hillary thinks of herself as the Meriwether Lewis of female politicians. That's two great renegades coming together in blissful political union. Plus, she has so many dedicated, disaffected followers that by joining up with McCain she would certainly unify the country and create a winning ticket for November.

Of course, there are downsides. Diehard conservatives all across America are already on suicide watch. And at least half of us would become instant hypocrites. So conditioned to be ashamed of our conservative ideas, we tend to lavish affection on any deserters to our cause. How else do you explain the tingly feeling so many get whenever Bernie Goldberg or Dick Morris get on television? That's right, many a conservative would suddenly feel compelled to adore Hillary Clinton.

And for those of us who could not manage that, we could at least console ourselves that there would be no Obama in the White House--and with complaining every time they moved Hillary to a safe location (kidding).

But we won't hear about the "dream ticket" from the media this time around because now McCain is the Republican nominee and the enemy. We've even had our first celebrity endorsement of leaving Earth if he becomes president. Even as good a story as this would make, it likely won't get put out there because most in the media are, first and foremost, committed to the liberal cause, and for the next few months there will be no room for anything but poking holes in McCain and lavishing Obama with old-fashioned free love. Come to think of it, go ahead and get out those short-shorts. We'll need them to be in style until after the election.

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  1. 2 comments: Responses to “ What? No mention of the real dream ticket, McCain and Clinton? ”

  2. By Jeremy Sarber on June 4, 2008 at 3:10 PM

    I couldn't have said it better myself.

  3. By Paul Zannucci on June 4, 2008 at 3:52 PM